I’ve never talked about my mental illness in detail, even though I suffer from bouts of dark depression. Yes, my physical health does play a role in that place of despair. But there are other unprompted places I go.
When you are manic, you believe every thought. When depressed you doubt every one. Both are feeding you bad information.
The effect of mental illness is to have you forget that.
How best can I describe this place that has taken me to the edge more than once?
Do I say; “It is like a slow motion wreck. Everything happening all at once and nothing can be done to stop it,”
Or; “I both want to scream at the world and crawl in a closet and cry,”
Maybe; “Have you ever felt like your hair was on fire? If you ask people, they can’t see it, but you can feel it burning?”
So what does it feel like?
You have become untethered from the world.
There you will feel alone. But you aren’t, and the longer you stay the easier is is to fly away.
If you feel like you are floating away, tie yourself down. If you look closely, somebody holding on to you. Let them pull you back in.
So what does that feel like?
Love. Caring. Safety.
I know it’s hard. You may have reason to not trust people, but find someone to hold your string.
What’s the worst that could happen?
Tie yourself down.
It will be okay.