How do significant life events or the passage of time influence your perspective on life?
I have walked through nearly forty years of psychiatrists, therapists, groups, twelve-step programs, and self-help books. All the tricks, all the affirmations, and everything else is old news. ‘Been there, done that’ rings true, and I would have the first tee off the silk screen.
Growth is a big piece of pain. I get stuck in a feedback loop. Sometimes physically, sometimes emotionally, sometimes both. When it is painful enough, I might decide to do something about it. Around twelve-step programs and psych groups, they have a saying: when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, you will finally address the issue.
The sad thing is that some of the things I want to get better from, remain. Baggage is baggage, and some of it is handcuffed to my wrists. Usually, it is dark things that go bump in the night, hiding in the recesses of our subconscious. The hurt I carry is part of who I am. All I can do when it raises an ugly head is realize that it may be real, but it is no longer true.
Maybe the ultimate acceptance is realizing that it is something foundational. It will always define who I am and will never fully go away. Whether recent pains or ancient wrongs, those blazing moments of crystal-clear clarity, all color my old age. The only thing I can hope for is that the good outweighs the bad memories.
And as it turns out, that is what happened. Maybe I did figure it out.
Remain Lost 
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